One thought on “2016 Teacher Work Day Press Conference”
Gifted, in space
a silent film directed by
Mayfield
A shot of the outer edges of space is what we begin with. All is silent, peaceful. A lone child in a spacesuit comes on screen from the bottom right corner, making her way across the screen as she plays catch with herself.
Once the child reaches center screen, the silence is broken by a faint roar. The child stops her game of catch, strains her ear to hear for the sound and then is flattened when a semi suddenly appears on screen as Evil Kinzie strikes again.
The truck disappears, on its way to more evil, but the camera returns for Evil Kinzie’s smile as she sits in her cab, joyful at another innocent life she’s taken.
The credits begin right after this, “Gifted in Space.” Once the credits finish, the recently vacated space becomes occupied by a spaceship. The viewer is introduced to our heroes.
Once the ship comes into view, there’s a cut to the interior. Lieutenant Delaina is in her room, staring at a cute boy’s picture on the wall. She gets up and starts passionately kissing the picture. It’s all rather gross and disturbing. Then, Special Helper Evan comes by, dusting. He dusts the picture frame, and, of course, the picture breaks. Delaina sighs.
First Mate Abbey has her evil mustache on so that the audience knows she’s plotting behind the back of the Captain. Of course, the audience can also see that First Mate is evil because she’s “workin’ it” like the poster above her with a picture of Emma saying “Work It!!!” First Mate is very, very awkward in her attempt to “work it.”
Next, there’s a cut to Captain Patrick in the control deck. He’s rambling on and on about some technical matter that probably is important but because the Captain is boring no one has ever really understood anything he’s ever said.
Admiral Jade suddenly appears on screen. The captain prompts Jade to salute him. Jade doesn’t seem to understand. She just keeps bowing. The Captain is frustrated. He sighs.
Suddenly, they look up to the intercom. There’s a cut to a shot of Trucker Kinzie “Blah, Blah, Blah”-ing about something – and then “mwha, ha, ha”-ing about something evil. By the time she’s done and the scene shifts back to the crew, all are assembled and ready for action. Captain Patrick issues his first order.
Special Helper immediately hits a switch and the cabin starts bouncing around as the crew is obviously suffering from the “Wrong Lever” scenario. Captain Patrick manages to get to the dashboard and right the ship. Special Helper goes off to cry.
After Captain gets Lieutenant and Admiral Jade to work, there’s a shot of the ship, and now Kinzie’s truck, in outer space, racing towards something – apparently. There are shots mixed in now of a high speed chase involving a very excited and motivated to win Kinzie, a determined Captain Patrick, a Lieutenant filled with wanderlust for some boy in a photo that she keeps sneaking a glance at, and, finally, of the show’s damsel in distress – a young boy with a sharp mouth (we, fortunately, don’t get to hear from) in a tutu pirouetting through space.
The boy realizes Kinzie and the semi are headed right at him. He’s like a deer caught in the headlights, except he’s screaming “MOMMY!!!” and wetting himself (this would be off camera so that we don’t get nasty letters from schools that want to show this film to impressionable youth).
Suddenly, the boy vanishes, just before Kinzie’s truck was to hit him. Kinzie skids away and into a star. There’s a shot of a very damaged truck with a very damaged – and steamed driver.
The boy is now the center of attention in the spaceship – well, until they realize he smells of soiling himself (again, off camera wetness). Captain Patrick is rambling on and on again – it doesn’t make sense until we see a sign saying “Teleportation.”
Finally, it all comes together – sort of. Abbey is asking the boy for money when the final shot dissolves.
Gifted, in space
a silent film directed by
Mayfield
A shot of the outer edges of space is what we begin with. All is silent, peaceful. A lone child in a spacesuit comes on screen from the bottom right corner, making her way across the screen as she plays catch with herself.
Once the child reaches center screen, the silence is broken by a faint roar. The child stops her game of catch, strains her ear to hear for the sound and then is flattened when a semi suddenly appears on screen as Evil Kinzie strikes again.
The truck disappears, on its way to more evil, but the camera returns for Evil Kinzie’s smile as she sits in her cab, joyful at another innocent life she’s taken.
The credits begin right after this, “Gifted in Space.” Once the credits finish, the recently vacated space becomes occupied by a spaceship. The viewer is introduced to our heroes.
Once the ship comes into view, there’s a cut to the interior. Lieutenant Delaina is in her room, staring at a cute boy’s picture on the wall. She gets up and starts passionately kissing the picture. It’s all rather gross and disturbing. Then, Special Helper Evan comes by, dusting. He dusts the picture frame, and, of course, the picture breaks. Delaina sighs.
First Mate Abbey has her evil mustache on so that the audience knows she’s plotting behind the back of the Captain. Of course, the audience can also see that First Mate is evil because she’s “workin’ it” like the poster above her with a picture of Emma saying “Work It!!!” First Mate is very, very awkward in her attempt to “work it.”
Next, there’s a cut to Captain Patrick in the control deck. He’s rambling on and on about some technical matter that probably is important but because the Captain is boring no one has ever really understood anything he’s ever said.
Admiral Jade suddenly appears on screen. The captain prompts Jade to salute him. Jade doesn’t seem to understand. She just keeps bowing. The Captain is frustrated. He sighs.
Suddenly, they look up to the intercom. There’s a cut to a shot of Trucker Kinzie “Blah, Blah, Blah”-ing about something – and then “mwha, ha, ha”-ing about something evil. By the time she’s done and the scene shifts back to the crew, all are assembled and ready for action. Captain Patrick issues his first order.
Special Helper immediately hits a switch and the cabin starts bouncing around as the crew is obviously suffering from the “Wrong Lever” scenario. Captain Patrick manages to get to the dashboard and right the ship. Special Helper goes off to cry.
After Captain gets Lieutenant and Admiral Jade to work, there’s a shot of the ship, and now Kinzie’s truck, in outer space, racing towards something – apparently. There are shots mixed in now of a high speed chase involving a very excited and motivated to win Kinzie, a determined Captain Patrick, a Lieutenant filled with wanderlust for some boy in a photo that she keeps sneaking a glance at, and, finally, of the show’s damsel in distress – a young boy with a sharp mouth (we, fortunately, don’t get to hear from) in a tutu pirouetting through space.
The boy realizes Kinzie and the semi are headed right at him. He’s like a deer caught in the headlights, except he’s screaming “MOMMY!!!” and wetting himself (this would be off camera so that we don’t get nasty letters from schools that want to show this film to impressionable youth).
Suddenly, the boy vanishes, just before Kinzie’s truck was to hit him. Kinzie skids away and into a star. There’s a shot of a very damaged truck with a very damaged – and steamed driver.
The boy is now the center of attention in the spaceship – well, until they realize he smells of soiling himself (again, off camera wetness). Captain Patrick is rambling on and on again – it doesn’t make sense until we see a sign saying “Teleportation.”
Finally, it all comes together – sort of. Abbey is asking the boy for money when the final shot dissolves.
The End!!!