One thought on “scary sonnet story – the rise of trucker kinzie”

1. Sonnet 92
   Scary Story by Jason Mayfield

   But do thy worst to steal thyself away,
   For term of life thou art assured mine;
   And life no longer than thy love will stay,
   For it depends upon that love of thine.
   Then need I not to fear the worst of wrongs,
   When in the least of them my life hath end.
   I see a better state to me belongs
   Than that which on thy humour doth depend;
   Thou canst not vex me with inconstant mind,
   Since that my life on thy revolt doth lie.
   O, what a happy title do I find,
   Happy to have thy love, happy to die!
   But what’s so blessed-fair that fears no blot?
   Thou mayst be false, and yet I know it not.

   Key Terms: select phrases embedded from every line – in sequential order

   The Legend of Trucker Kinzie

   Once upon a time somewhere in the galaxies, there was trucker.

   This trucker would sooner run over lost space squirrells than slow down to less than the terminal speed of light to avoid them. This trucker’s love stayed only for the Intergalactic Police when they hosted their annual Pancake Day – she bled them dry of syrup and flapjacks and then went on her reckless way. This trucker didn’t even like the thrill of a good load truckin’ across the universe because she thought it slowed her down.

   In other words, this trucker did her worst so early and often that she was known the galaxy round by the name of Trucker Kinzie.

   Trucker Kinzie wasn’t much into stealing away silently through space as she was blowing her 18-wheeler horn right before smashing into small comets – that would send small showers onto interplanetary schools, setting them on fire. If life depended on the love Trucker had for her hatred of school zones, there would’ve been no need to search for artificial life, for Kinzie had plenty of hatin’ to go around.

   The worst of the worst and the least of the least in Trucker’s eyes was the tiny Captain Patrick Academy located on planet Columbiana. Traditon has it that Trucker was given a speeding ticket for going just under 298 million miles a second in a 15 mph school zone there when School Safety Patrol Officer Abbey took out her baseball bat and smashed the Trucker’s backlight.

   Miles later, the Trucker was caught by the intergalactic police for having a taillight out. Trucker knew she’s been busted because Abbey busted her light. If the police had followed through, Trucker’s life of crime would’ve ended there, she would’ve been rehabilitated to a better state as a caregiver for the Babble Duck. Unfortunately, the case fell into the hands of a corrupt Judge, Judge Bri. Judge Bri’s fancy court robes and exotic cats were financed through Carter’s Cargo Enterprises. Carter needed the Trucker for his cargo so Bri let Kinzie go.

   “Why couldn’t I have been going through Paisley College?” Kinzie said at her arraignment. “Those kids are never on time for anything, much less a date with the crosswalk and the front of my bumper.”

   The court stenographer, Avery, captured the phrase as “Why aren’t I outside playing travel ball? The early game gets the game in before it rains.” It should be noted Avery wasn’t well known for his ability to spell and note-take correctly.

   After Kinzie’s failed attempt at humor at the expense of Paisley College, she vexed her mind to the max for plausible ways to enact revenge upon Patrick Academy. She tried to revolt the masses with offers to haul the kids on a “field trip” (she was going to take them to the landfill on Planet Tyler and have the evil messy binders there gobble the kids up), but most of the kids forgot their permission forms for the trip and so that plan fell through.

   Happily, the title of School Terror was free for the taking after School Bully Sam was sent to juvie for battling books. Kinzie began her reign of terror at the academy shortly thereafter.

   “Goodbye, Olivia! Maybe one day you’ll be a great as your many, many sisters!!!” Was the last thing one girl heard before she was tire-tread for Kinzie.

   “Goodbye, Liv. Isn’t it weird we all named our children Olivia?” Was what another girl heard before Kinzie’s truck sliced through her quicker than chocolate in a fat boy’s mouth.

   “I finally have homework!!!” Another boy, Dylan, shouted before his homework got all up in Kinzie’s front trucker grille. Poor Dylan’s homework ended up several planets away and his very evil teacher yelled and yelled at Dylan for not running after it.

   The only student to escape the wrath of Kinzie was a tiny, tiny girl named Paisley – who was too small to be hit – but loud and annoying enough (in Kinzie’s eyes) to be worth hitting.

   “We’ve got to stop that trucker,” School Mom Alex said, “I didn’t go through the birthing process and the trouble of having a genius in order for her to get flattened by a truck.”

   “Well, actually,” School President Captain Patrick said, “Some of the kids are too fat to get flattened. They more create a ramp for Kinzie to pop a trucker wheelie on.”

   “I DON’T CARE!!!” Alex said, “I barely care about my kid, what’s her name. The point is I sacrificed my own genius for hers and now some semi is going to take that. Plus, it’s so hard to drink my mojo juice from Epidamnum Restaurant while I’m in line for an hour waiting for my child, what’s her name, to get out of school because the best parents pick their child up at the front of the line. Where was I? Yes, I’m sitting there sippin’ on my juice that server Jacob makes special for me and then this semi blows by, making my hair crazy.”

   “Oh, is that the reason why with the hair,” School President Captain Patrick said. It should be noted that School President Captain Patrick was school president – and captain – more for his brilliance than for his sense of social graces – or tact.

   “I can help!!!” Special Helper Evan interjected into the awkward silence. School President Captain Patrick knew Special Helper couldn’t help, but he was at least prepared not to blurt that obvious point out.

   “Well, someone better,” Alex said, “or else I’m going to elect a new president that can build a wall to keep out the Trucker.”

   “Hey, while you’re at it, get the Trucker to pay for it too,” School President Captain Patrick said as Alex walked out the door.

   “Oh, I will. She’ll pay, and pay for those mojo juices that I’ve lost in all this.”

   School President Captain Patrick sighed. No one ever got his sarcasm…