from www.themrsmith.com/writing/minions-your-minions-muhahahahaha
you get a set of minions for a week – what do you do? what do you accomplish?
from www.themrsmith.com/writing/minions-your-minions-muhahahahaha
you get a set of minions for a week – what do you do? what do you accomplish?
“Assemble the minions!!!” I say in very best, most excited voice.
No one comes.
“Assemble the minions!!!” I try again, thinking maybe they weren’t paying attention. I’m a middle school teacher so I’m used to that.
Nothing.
“Assemble…” I get out before a minion interrupts me.
“We heard you the first time. We aren’t deaf. Just because we have small ears, people think we don’t hear well, but we…”
“Okay, well I need some help.”
“Oh, is that it? Listen bubba…”
“It’s Mr. Mayfield.”
“Okay, Mayfield. Let’s get something straight. First, we don’t ‘assemble,’ like some Lego pieces or something. Second, there’s the issue of payment.”
“Payment?”
“Yes, were you expecting slave labor? Probably, considering that you’re a white, Anglo Saxon male.”
“How did you know about my Saxon-ness?”
“See? I know you way better than you know me. For starters, how dare you call us minions. Minion is a derogatory term, implying that we are ‘minimal’ compared to you. It’s where the word minority comes from.”
“It’s also where Minnie Mouse comes from.”
“Oh, I see, make it a joke. Well, we’ll see how much help you get being an insensitive jerk.”
It was true. These minions were well-informed of their rights. I never did get the help I’d been promised. I decided to go back to the middle school classroom where with the power of grade control, I could make kids do all paperwork the minions refused to do.
“Hurry up and assemble,” ordered Kaytlyn. The minions had built a bubble laser. Kaytlyn only has the minions for a week so, Kaytlyn loves to invent so she has the minions help her invent some contraptions. The minions helped Kaytlyn start up the bubble laser. She aimed the laser toward the pile of newspaper she had been saving. Kaytlyn already had a sparkle blower so she had to have a bubble laser. The laser turned the pile of newspaper into hundreds of bubbles. ” That was fantastic, we are a great team together,” said pleased. They all mumbled “Mhm” in agreement. ” Hey dinners ready,” called her mom. ” Kaytlyn’s mom says she has to clean her room after she’s done eating. Kaytlyn calls to the minions ” We need to make a picker upper so this doesn’t happen.” She heads upstairs to get her dinner and the minions. She returns with a smile on her face and says ” Guess what! We are all going to the Caribbean islands tomorrow. They all yipped in agreement. After they all ate together and then Kaytlyn went upstairs to clean her bedroom. The next day they packed all their stuff and boarded the plane to the Caribbean islands. When they got there all the minions ran out of the plane excited to get tio the islands. It took an hour to round them all up. After that they headed to the hotel. The hotel was decorated as an ocean with starfish decorated windows, dolphin shaped little complimentary soaps, and blue fish patterned rug. The minions ran to the table with bananas on it. ” Wow the plane trip must have made them hungry,” commented Kaytlyn’s mom. After they ate they headed to the beach and went swimming. The minions didn’t know how to swim so Kaytlyn and her mom bought them some floats that they sat on or hung on to swim. After swimming they went to hotel to change and headed out to a restaurant and the minions made a tower out of waffle sticks. The manager asked them to leave because the “waffle tower” fell on the other people. They left after eating their food and rented a boat. The minions were sitting on the boats nose when it sputtered and quit! The boat had ran out of gas! Luckily the minions were there because they had found out before they came to Caribbean islands how to turn salt water into gasoline. They fused together the water with some chemicals and made gas! The boat sputtered to life again and they headed back to the islands. After that they went to the hotel and fell asleep. The next day they packed all there stuff together and headed back to Wisconsin. Today was the day the minions went back. ” I’ll miss you,” said Kaytlyn. She gave everyone of them a hug and a thank you for inventing with her. Her mom had made homemade brownies for them to munch on while they were going back to Gru’s. They all gave hugs and said they’re goodbyes. Kaytlyn was sad at first but she remembered all the good things they did. She felt better knowing that she will remember all the good things that happened. The end
Minions Arise, I say because assemble is rude and only used with legos.
Then I hear them they are already dead anyway so its not that hard to hear them screech
Its a stabbing problem
Then as they all gather around i let them simmer down
I say TODAY MINIONS WE FIND TONE A GOLF COACH!
they all start BWAHAHAHing and then i hold up my bunny knife and they all scatter
i wait at least 12 hours
nothing
then they all come back empty handed
I was furious
they said that no golf coach wants him because he breaks down on the hole where his coach left him
LOLOLOL
as we all laugh in harmony because its true and he will just suffer
Hmmm. If I hAd some minions I would gather them all together and say ” minions! Go find yourself another master! I loathe your silliness and irrisponsibility!” Ayurvedayyyyyyyyfujxdhbsagbjjdxyyyyyyghhhhh then my iPad would glitch and type random things and the minions would flee from the glitch, and only a few would barely escape with their lives, leaving a scourge on minion history called the big glitch
And now, it’s time for…
Gifted, in Space…
by Mayfield
“Captain Patrick, Captain Patrick!!!”
“Yes?”
“It’s the Evil Trucker Kinzie. She’s Eastbound, and down, loaded up and truckin’!!!”
“I think I’m going to be sick,” Captain Patrick said. The news about Trucker Kinzie certainly wasn’t good. Long the notorious bandit and “bad girl,” of the interstellar galaxies, Captain Patrick had come so close now, just to watch it fall apart with the “help” he had.
Still, he had to try.
“Okay, I need a bier,” Captain Patrick said to Minion Helper Avery. Captain Patrick just knew the temporary coffin box would be just the frame he needed to teach the other helpers how to box in Kinzie.
Naturally, Avery never came back. He got lost looking for “beer,” spelling was never Avery’s strength, and he ended up being thrown into space to die a terrible death because he confused “Old Testament prophet” with “Old Testament profit,” thoroughly offending Abbey who threw him away like school trash.
“Jacob, my boy,” Captain Patrick next turned to another helper – it helped that all the minions were wearing labels. “What do you know about gas?”
“I know a whole lot,” Jacob enthusiastically replied, “Just call me your gas man!!!”
“Okay,” Captain Patrick said – although he thought, “Heck no, I’m not calling you Gas Man” before replying, “I need you to create a diesel distraction for Trucker Kinzie. Careful, there’s many a small animal and person that’s ended up space tire tread doing the same.”
“Oh, I’ll be careful with my gas,” Jacob said. Of course, he wasn’t. Jacob’s attempt to build a quickie mart in space was a large disaster – plus, he was priced out of the area by Liv who set up a competing station – Luscious Liv’s Lively Diesel Depot – across the galaxy band.
Trucker Kinzie laughed her evil laugh as she trucked away from Captain Patrick, listening to Luscious Liv’s Special Mixed Tape called “That’s So Raven: Nevermore.”
Captain Patrick fired his crew many a time over that day. He vowed never to have minions for help ever again…
As the minions tried to find there new master, they went into a cave. That is where he is.
“Oo ba da oopa maaaaaa,” a minion said, were guessing that that translates to there he is. A famous sculptor, first name unknown, Johnston. The minions ran in to the cave that he was in and met there new master. he was strict about sides. This is your side, this is my side, this hole is the toilet. They had never been on his side and probably never will.
50 years later
I’m cruising in a dingy with my brother, mom, and dad. I’m on a vacation in the Bahamas and are going to a famous cave known for a dead sculptor.
“What’s that yellow thing?” Fred, my brother, asked as we approached the cave in the dingy.
“That gray thing looks just like the yellow thing.” I said.
My mom screamed as we got closer to the cave and saw that the yellow thing was alive, sculpting itself.
“Is that another one?” my dad said.
My brother thought and eventually knew what they where and that they were from a movie, but in real life? Nah.
“These things can build,” as Fred said this, my dad got off the boat and tied the dingy to a rock,” they can do pluming, wiring, imagine what we could do to this place. A gift shop there, a bar there, a restaurant there, a…
“Banana?” a minion, I guess its time to see if they will do all of this. Fred got on a rock and explained the plan to them once I gathered them all up. They agreed, only because we told them we will serve a banana appetizer, a banana smoothie, a banana sandwich entree, sliced banana side, banana pudding dessert, and have banana boat sunscreen at the shop.
2 years later, here I am at the brand new bar drinking a virgin Pina Colada with an umbrella sticking out the top.
oops i forgot i got them for a week, lets say they build really fast, ate a banana, and ran away.
sorry 🙁 I have failed you
“Minions rolecall,” I said as I watched the minions assemble.
“Livy,” I said.
“Here,” Livy said.
“Tyler”
“Here”
“Emma”
“Here”
“Sam”
“Here”
“Patrick”
No reply.
“Patrick,” I called again.
Still no reply.
“Has anyone seen Patrick?” I asked
No said anything.
“PATRICK,” I shouted.
“In here,” a quiet voice said.
“What are you doing,” I said
“Trying to beat the pokémon league again, so be quiet,” Patrick said.
“Why,”everyone said at the same time.
I remember when I first got Patrick he always stayed on that 3DS of his and that game pokémon its so complex now.
“Patrick put the DS down,” I said
“No”
“
“Minions!” I wated a few moments for my collectors set of little blue minions. They are still in mint Condition for I haven’t given them their rocket privileges yet.
Finally all five of my collector minions gathered around me and I gave them their assignment of the week. My little blue minions were to give the dog a bath, finish painting my death ray (preferably without incense rating the neighbors), and to make me a capitalist by the end of the week.
“I expect to make millions this week and you will do all the work.”
My minions suggested making a show where the zombie apocalypse has ocurred sand the charecters make stupid desigions, apparently have infinet guns and ammo, and take severall episodes to make a decision.
“No that’s all ready taken. I’m pretty sure it involves dead people walking around.”
Next they suggested that they could go out and find a magical fairy, the last of its kind, and put it in a grinder and strange all the magic out do I can make a wish.this was a very good idea and I sent them to the magical forest through mind teliportation wich I got from straining the magic Out if the second to last diary thing. It’s nam was princess Zach or something like that. He screamed a lot.
“Minions, for your ibcredible bravery I’m giving you your rocket privileges. And this was the worst mistake if my life. The minions. Amediatly puleed the trigger and blew my face off. So to this very day… I am dead
Continue above (sorry about the two parts):
“No,” Patrick said.
“Patrick put it down.”
“No”
By now I was so mad I threw the DS across the room.
“Why did you do that,” said Patrick who was about to have mental break down.
“Here,” I said handing him his pet rock.
“Now everyone do your job,” I said.
The rest of the day was terrible Livy half sheared the sheep,Sam stepped on the chickens, Emma, some how fell in the water trough, Tyler did the best job only shocking himself fixing the electric fence, and finally good old Patrick some how managed to leave the gates open and the cows and pig stampede over Livy and Sam. I had to buy a new DS for Patrick before he did any more harm. Well at least I have another group coming next week they are Ty,Evan,Carter,Drew,and Trucker Kinzie.
They don’t sound like good workers especially Trucker Kinzie she even sound from what I’ve heard from Mr.Mayfield she might be lazy and doesn’t work in groups good ether.
Part 2
Of a Bunny Killers Minions
Well the struggle of finding tone a golf coach has been concluded and now we’re on to a whole different picture.
As The minions were hanging out and doing stuff their master
Bunny Killer sat and thought what could I make them do…
“Alright you yellow oval people! I only have you for a week and tomorrow is your last day!”
Minion uproar in crying
“Ok first things first! Clean up all these tears! Then I want each and every one of you to go to the laboratory and make something creative make a bunny killing bat specialized for me or make a anti-gravitational substance just don’t drink it like Carl!”
The minions bolt into the lab and get to work
( 3 hours later)
Kate walks down the lab stairs and goes to see how they are doing..
Fred had made a anti-gravitational substance but like BK said don’t drink it but what did he do he drank it!
All the other ones had ordered old Dr.Lafario to make them one so now all Kate’s minions were floating.
So you know what she did something was very suspicious so she took ones DNA and saw something Horrifying!
THE WERE BUNNIES DESCISED
Dr. Lafario had betrayed her in making such creatures
So turns out the Anti-Gravataional substance never wore off and you know what Bunny Killer did?
Had a really good ceiling that opens up and she just let them go because she didn’t have enough room in the fridge so turns out she was just tired of watching them hang like bats. And that Saturday when they weren’t supposed to return
THEY ALL FLOATED BACK DOWN GRACEFULLY
BUT THIS TIME THEY WERENT IN COSTUME
If I had Minions I would say “Helpers! Meeting!” as I don’t use the term ‘minions’ or ‘assemble’. Then I would tell them “We need to do something big, like make CMS and SCHS’s Football teams better, then we would be miracle workers, literally, as no one in the two schools can play football good without money on the line.” After I am done, they would all agree, and we would build a robot football team that look just like the real thing, and acted like the real thing, because we would program sentience into the animatronic(<–yes I used it correctly, as it can mean a 'human' robot.) and then make them help out with Mr. Mayfield's class, so it would be a win-win-win-win situation, for the school, us, Mayfield, and the football players(the real ones!).
Minion Day
If I was to have Minions for a week the first thing I would do was to gather them all around me. I would tell them that today we are going to do some games called chores. They all go “Oooohhhhhhhh games”, but then I said that I get to choose the different games and then the all say “Awwww Man.” There are so many of them, but I want to keep them in a good mind set. I told them if they do good they will all get the rest of the week off, but without them knowing that I’m only going to have them for a week they all start cheering!
So I get right to it, the first thing I said was you each get one piece of clothing and you are going to throw them into this big basket. So they all lined up with shirts and pants, and one by one they shot at the basket. If they made it they got to move to the next round. The only one who didn’t make it was Tom.
Next was to see who could make the bed the fastest, Billy, Bob, Buster, Brom, and Brad didn’t make it to the next round in the top twenty.
The next game was to see who could vacuum the fastest. Frank, Lester, Lesley, Luke, Tim, Timmy, Terry, Jerry, Jack, and Jimmy failed completely. So now its up to the top ten.
Now the next game was to see who could dust the best. After checking the finished product on all of them, Larry, Linal, Lem, Leo, Jim, Chris, and Carson all lost.
Now, it’s down to the final three in a folding contest. Bo, Go, and Lo are left and they are going to be timed to see who can fold the fastest. I count down and say on your mark, get set, Go. They all three race off and they are neck and neck the whole way. We had to go to a replay in slow motion to see who won, and it was BO! Instead of a day off he got the rest of the week off. I didn’t care because the fact is I got all of my chores done!