from https://www.pinterest.com/bvbarmy72hb/fanfictionstory-ideas/
you’ve been assigned to write a history of dragons by someone who believes they really existed – make it up
from https://www.pinterest.com/bvbarmy72hb/fanfictionstory-ideas/
you’ve been assigned to write a history of dragons by someone who believes they really existed – make it up
The history of Smaug…
Smaug was completely misunderstood. The dwarves accumulated all that gold in the first place because they sold the dragons a faulty healthcare plan.
“We must rise against Oaken-Blue Cross, Blue-Shield Care!!!” They roared before attacking.
They left the youngest, Smaug, to keep the mountain’s gold as a sign of goodwill towards the community – rather than taking the money out and investing it overseas.
Smaug was able to support some of the local schools through his philanthropy. Even today, the University of Alabama-Birmingham, or UAB, is known as the Blazers in memory of his support for education.
The history of Zachary, Dragon Warrior Princess
Once upon a time, there was a special young boy named Zachary. More than anything, he wanted to be an awesome princess like his hero Peach (from Mario Brothers).
Zachary asked Mr. Mayfield how one became a special princess. Mr. Mayfield seemed taken aback by the question. Zachary was crushed for he had thought that Mr. Mayfield knew everything.
Zachary decided that to be a princess, he had to be captured by a dragon and used as bait to draw some knight in for a heroic rescue.
“Here, dragon, dragon…” Zachary would call out in his (pretty creepy) voice.
“Hey, Zach, whatcha doin’?”
“Nothing, Madelyn. Wow, you’ve gained more weight.”
“Are you done with that doughnut?”
“Oh, Madelyn, I’m so depressed I tried to eat a bunch but all I could do was just eat one bite of doughnut and then I was depressed because I was fat and…”
Madelyn was gone long before the end of Zachary’s lament, for the doughnut she’d eaten had been warm, and Madelyn’s highly toned “Doughnut Sense” tingled to tell her there were bound to be other doughnuts around if she looked.
Zachary had about given up when he realized that there was a dragon lurking in the shadows.
“Hi, Zachary, I’m the Reluctant Dragon. I was hesitant to say anything, but I’ve been watching you for a while now, and I think you’d be perfect for this show I’m doing in Vegas. We’d also like to shoot some footage for a reality show for A&E to replace whatever celebrities are caught having affairs midway through the year.”
And that was how “Zachary: Dragon Warrior Princess” came to a cable network near you…
“The history of flagons is a rich, rich history full of…”
“Patrick, I said ‘Dragon’ not ‘flagon’…”
“Like I said, the flagon is a dear, dear friend of the Irish.”
“Patrick, it’s dragon. Not flagon.”
“Now, I’m sure it won’t surprise you to know Mr. Mayfield that the Irish are a drinking people.”
“Patrick, it’s dragon, not flagon. And that’s pretty racist about the Irish.”
“Yes, the Irish have been drinking as long as they’ve been playing football. Almost. I believe Touchdown Jesus started it all.”
“It’s a dragon. Not a flagon. And I’m going to regret this, but what’s Touchdown Jesus?”
“Touchdown Jesus has been saving the Irish at Notre Dame since before you were born, which I’m guessing was about 16 years ago. Anyway, the Irish needed saving and so they built this Jesus at their football stadium. Now, people were very offended…”
“At the drinking jokes you made?”
“No, at having Jesus at the stadium. Some thought it was mixing football and religion, which go as well as Irish coffee and a danish. Others thought it was an unfair advantage, having Jesus on your side. Others thought Jesus looked like a bro trying to grow his first beard and…”
“So the dragon?”
“No, it was a flagon, which was outlawed at a Notre Dame game because it was a college campus and drinking wasn’t allowed.”
“I thought you said Touchdown Jesus started it all.”
“Well, he did. In the beginning. You see, even though drinking wasn’t allowed, there was communion, and communion at Notre Dame was all from the same cup and the same loaf of bread.”
“At the stadium?”
“Yes, there would be a priest that would come on the field, bless the cup and bread and it would multiply. Then, everyone would partake, even the players.”
“The players?”
“Sure, once there was this guy named Ruby, and he made 400 sacks in one game after communion. Later, he changed his name to Samwise and he escorted a guy named Frodo to Smaug’s lair to reclaim the lost gold that the evil dragon had taken.”
“So it was a dragon?”
“Sure it was. What did you think I said?”
uMmM…god created dragons. adam and eve called them snakes. when adam and eve ate the fruit, god cursed dragons to slither on their bellies for the rest of their existence, thus dragons went extinct.
aNd DrAgOnS tUrNeD iNtO wHaT wE nOw CaLl SnAkEs
Except for one dragon. This dragon wasn’t a part of the great conspiracy to lure Eve and Adam to forbidden fruit – so since God was in need of a new angel (see the rise and fall of Satan), Figment became his new agent.
Figment went on grand adventures for the Lord. The burning bush with Moses (or Charlton Heston, depending on your theology and NRA beliefs) – that fire came from Figment (the small spark felt round the world).
When Elijah prayed for fire to burn up his drenched wooden alter pile? That was Figment too. Yes, he was also the one who burned up the prophets of Baal shortly thereafter.
In fact, Figment did so many things for God, he began to get a big head. He thought maybe he could run the show all on his own – and that was when he had his own fall. This time though, God didn’t turn him into a snake. He’s the predicted dragon of revenge the lady in Revelation will use to cause all sorts of mischief.
After that, dragons will be no more. Until the new heavens and earth, that is. At that point, they will run in step with the unicorns – and all will be at peace again.
nO oNe ElSe hAs WrOtE a StOrY bEsIdEs YoU aNd I, mR. mAyFeIlD! nOt eVeN mAsTeR vIcToRiA oR rAcHaEl!
IS THAT TRASH TALK? I’LL WRITE A STORY.